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Happy April Fools Day

Originally from Sojourners newsletter (April Fools Edition):

Howard Dean gets religion - the old school kind

Hallelujaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!

"Following the 2004 electoral defeat, no member of the Democratic party showed greater openness to religious and moral values issues than newly elected party chair Howard Dean. His previously best-known comment on religious issues was his embarrassing pick of Job as his favorite New Testament book, and Judas as his favorite disciple. Not only is Job not in the New Testament, but he pronounced it with a short "o" sound, as in, "I need a job." Despite frantic corrections by aides, including assurances that "he meant the other Judas," the damage was done.

But during a dark night of the soul immersed in polling data, demographic reports, No-Doz, and late-night televangelists, Dean recently experienced what he describes as a "touch of Holy Ghost power" as he prayed for God to grant him and his party political success. Friends speculate it may have just been an unusually strong static shock that resulted when Dean knelt before his 56-inch projection television and placed his hands on the screen as instructed by TV preacher Robert Tilton.

But whether zapped by the Holy Spirit or excess electrons, Dean's already boisterous speaking style has been imbued with a religious fervor and a penchant for God-talk rivaling opponents on the Right, as demonstrated at a recent press conference: "Bush's plan for social security is ill-conceived and must be rejected. Puh-raise Gawd! Amen. Hallelujah. Next question - thank you JEE-ah-sus-ah!"

"I'd like to believe he's sincere, but it just feels like one-upsmanship," muttered Rev. Pat Robertson irritably. "I mean, he's already added two extra syllables to his pronunciation of the Lord's name - where most of us settle for a mere JEE-sus-ah. Who's he trying to impress?"
Friends on the Left also have concerns. "True, we wanted Howard to embrace a moral and religious vocabulary," said one NCC operative who declined to be named. "But now he keeps quoting this King James smack from Revelation about beasts and crowns and cups of wrath. We wanted MLK lite - not Oral freakin' Roberts."

While insiders debate his life expectancy as party chair, other members of the progressive religious community are offering their perspective. Jim Wallis' newest book, 'God's Politics II: Why the Right Still Gets It Wrong, and the Left Got Too Much and Is Weirding Out Its Friends and Isn't Invited to Parties Anymore' is already a New York Times best-seller."
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